Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

BookTalk

“All right, Miss Teen Dreamers! Yoo-hoo! Over here! I’m wigglin’ my fingers your y’all’s attention! Could ya’ll come on over here, please?”…”Hi. I’m Taylor Rene Krystal Hawkins, and I’m Miss Teen Dream Texas, the state where dreams are bigger and better – nothing against y’all’s states. I’m a senior at George Walker Bush High School and I hope to pursue a career as a motivational speaker.”…”Okay, Miss Teen Dreamers, I know we’re all real flustered and everything. But we’re alive. And I think before anything else we need to pray to the one we love.”…”I’m talkin’ about my personal copilot, Jesus Christ.”…”Ahem. Dear Jesus,”…”We just want to thank you for gettin’ us here safe – “

There was a loud, gurgling groan. Somebody shouted, “Oh my gosh! Miss Delaware just died!”

“- for getting’ some of us here safe,”…”And we pray that, as we are fine, upstandin’, law-abidin’ girls who represent the best of the best, you will protect us from harm and keep us safe until we are rescued and can tell our story to People magazine. Amen.” (9-12, ePub ed.)

So, a plane of Beauty Queens crashes on a deserted island…what happens…go!

Well, hut building, spirit finger practicing, rock-star pirate kissing, hallucinogenic fruit-eating, secret volcano villain killing times happen. It’s one hilarious, wild ride so buckle up and remember your lip gloss because prettiness is the light of the world…

Review

I’d just like to start by saying in my review of Bray’s Going Bovine I asked for footnotes…ask and ye shall receive! I was so excited to see footnotes which, instead of giving clarity to an idea, enhance the satire Bray is known for. Not that Bray sticks to the satirical style in this book, nope, she includes elements of magical realism, fairy tale, campy movie, and commercial breaks. The whole mix serves to entertain while taking on the issues of consumerism and gender roles.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t as interested in the themes of consumerism. They are played to the point of parody and while I can very much see the truth in Bray’s handling of the topic I don’t think it was as well executed as the gender roles theme. Consumerism hits you over the head while the unveiling of the Beauty Queen’s personalities and secrets was oh, so much better. The over the top pagent-ness of the girls. Throughout the book they call each other by their titles (Miss Ohio, Miss New Mexico, ect.) and upon surviving a tragic plane crash begin to practice their routines (three-quarter turn y’all, lol). The horror of the beach-crash site including dead contestants and a girl with a tray-table stuck in her head are juxtaposed with Miss Texas giving a pagent-worthy inspirational speech about prettiness being the light of the world. Forget scavenging for food, in the beginning this plane crash was going to be a diet worthy of a master cleanse.

It doesn’t take long for the fake exteriors of these girls to fall away revealing the real person underneath. A trans-gender contestant, a girl lying about her upbringing, child abuse victims, a journalist assuming a role, and a lesbian brought up in the juvie system, among others. It’s easy to see the metaphor in each of these girls hiding under the guise of a Beauty Queen instead of simply being who they are. Their childhood has taught them that no one will understand them, no one has time for a girl who isn’t simply pretty. In the secluded world of this island the girls will shed their defenses like a facial mask, coming together to build a new world and way of thinking that doesn’t make a woman say “sorry” for having an opinion.

This book is a wild ride of fun…and should be required reading for every girl, teen or not. This book will make you laugh out loud and take a look at what type of Beauty Queen you present to the world. Mascara and eyeliner or no, we all choose to present a version of ourselves to the world. This book gives insight to what would happen if we let that persona fall and accepted each other for who we are, not what we should be.

Loved it, Loved it, Loved it…

Rating: 10/10

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Vacations from Hell by Libba Bray, Cassandra Clare, Claudia Gray, Maureen Johnson, and Sarah Mlynowski

I am on Vacation…So it’s Beach Week here on the blog.

Granted I live less than a mile from the ocean in Southern Florida, so really every week is beach week for me, but there is just something special about being on vacation at a beach. Even if you’re a year round beach bum a week’s worth of no work and all play is still pretty awesome. So in honor of my time at the shore every post this week is vacation or beach related. For those of you grumbling about my beach fortune don’t worry…This week starts with a group of vacation stories you might rather avoid…

BookTalk

“You know that prickly feeling you get on the back of your neck? The one hat makes you scared to turn around? Pay attention to that, Holmes. That is a Me-NO-Likee signal creeping up from the lizard part of your brain – some primal DEFCON center of your gray matter left over from the very first ancestors that hasn’t been destroyed by gated communities, all-night convenience stores…,and a half dozen fake Ghost Chaser shows on late-night cable. I’m just saying that lizard part exists for a reason. I know that now.

“So if you’re walking down that unfamiliar path and the mist rises up out of nowhere and slips its hands over your body, turning you around until you don’t know where you are anymore, and the trees seem to be whispering to you? Or you think you see something in the dark that shouldn’t exist, that you tell yourself can’t possibly exist except in creepy campfire stories? Listen to the lizard, Holmes, and do yourself a favor.

“Run. Run like Hell’s after you.

“Because it just might be.” (pg. 116-117 ePub edition)

Review

This is a collection of short stories about what happens when your vacation goes wrong. Because really, who wants to hear about a trip where someone sat on a beautiful beach? I only want to hear about that trip if I was on the trip, or I’m about to go on that trip. However, if I am sitting on my couch…amongst my laundry and a carpet that needs vacuumed…I want a vacation where something goes wrong. Like, vampires-on-your-cruise wrong, a curse-in-the-French-countryside wrong, spell-gone-wrong, wrong. Types of wrong that will make that summer sunburn look like…well…a day at the beach.

These stories were fluffy and fun. The perfect combination of teeny-bopper hair flipping and sleep with the light on scary. Not all the tales were scary scary stories, but all do contain a twist you may not have seen coming. I was personally taken by surprise in the first story Cruisin’ by Sarah Mlynowski. It’s the perfect tale to start this collection off, seemingly fluffy with a game-changing plot move 3 pages from the end. The story gave me a smile and a chilly surprise. The rest of the collection didn’t disappoint. Law of Suspects by Maureen Johnson in the middle upped the horror factor with a cursed story and a lonely French manor. Then Libba Bray drives it home with the most classically paranormal/scary story Nowhere is Safe. A gothically creepy, superstition-ridden romp in an Eastern European hill town. Very few survive that blood bath…be prepared.

In the end this was a great beach read…or couch read depending on your summer plans. For those choosing a ‘staycation’ over the traditional summer travel, know that you’ll experience very little envy from these travelogues. In fact you may feel a little smug, safe in your house…alive. Now, if only someone could come fold the laundry…

Rating: 7/10

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Going Bovine by Libba Bray

BookTalk

“As a kid, I imagined lots of different scenarios for my life. I would be an astronaut. Maybe a cartoonist. A famous explorer or rock star. Never once did I see myself standing under the window of a house belonging to some druggie named Carbine, waiting for his yard gnome to steal his stash so I could get a cab back to a cheap motel where my friend, a neurotic, death-obsessed dwarf, was waiting for me so we could get on the road to an undefined place and a mysterious Dr. X, who would cure me of mad cow disease and stop a band of dark energy from destroying the universe.” pg. 203

Cameron is a bit of a loner…well, maybe a loser. At 16 he’s floating through life, C+ student, a stoner, and the closest friend he may have is a dwarf he doesn’t know that he likes. Things are about to change. After some muscle twitches and a few visions of toasters bursting into flames Cameron is diagnosed with Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, A.K.A. Mad Cow disease. While in the hospital a punk-rock-princess Angel sends Cameron on a Quixotic journey. With the help of Cameron’s dwarf friend Gonzo, they’re searching for Dr. X. Find the good Dr. and they’ll cure Cameron, find a gift for Gonzo…and save the world…sort of…

Review

Wow, I just finished this book and all I can say is that it was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. Simultaneously I feel as though…I may not be smart enough to ‘get’ this book…That I should have read Don Quixote…That I really did ‘get’ this book and it was wonderful!…That I should have stopped reading this book 30 pages in…This book made my head hurt…I should probably read this book again…Maybe I should smoke pot then read this book…Maybe I should read it again after reading Don Quixote…I need to YouTube the “Small World” ride…

There, you’re just as confused as me right now…This book was horrible and this book was awesome…

Going Bovine is a controversial book. Yet, it won the Printz. As you can tell I’m a little all over the place when it comes to my reaction to reading it. But if I’m choosing a team…I vote Team-I-Liked-This-Book. It’s a dark tale that mirror’s Quixote’s journey. I’d probably have lots of very literary things to say about the two books’ connections had I ever read Don Quixote…as you can tell from my wildly confusing opening…I haven’t…I’m a bad Librarian.

So that leaves me with the emotional reaction to the book. Know that the book is funny; it’s a dark comedy. Cameron is dying. His wild journey with friends is interspersed with clips from his time in the hospital. The hospital scenes serve as a reality touch-stone, badly needed in this acid-trip of a story. These hits of reality remind the reader that Cameron really is dying. Believe me, once you get sucked into Cameron’s crazy road trip you’ll see the need for the doses of death. You see, Cameron is a person who never really lived in his life and yet is given this chance to have an amazing adventure before his death. As a reader you’ll see Cameron grow and develop in ways your heart will ache to wish he had experience in real life…not just in this dream.

The plot is a crazy blend of philosophy and physics. Displaying messages about everything from how to live your life to the existence of parallel universes. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t know that I was smart enough for this book…I think I needed footnotes. Understanding all of the plot points aside, the message of this tale is really to live your life in the moment, take advantage of all it has to offer. I suppose, it’s not really about what your journey is…but that you take it. Not knowing how a Superconducting Super Collider works will not hinder your understanding of the take-away message.

Honestly, I’m still not positive I shouldn’t have read this on some type of illegal substance. Cameron himself spends quite a bit of time high…so it all might have been clearer to me. I’m not revealing any spoilers about the ending. But if you read it and you make it through, you may agree with me that the worth of this tale wasn’t about what actually happened in the story…but instead about the feeling you had when it was over. That you should be happy in whatever life you lead, and that you should live that life to the fullest.

Rating: 9/10

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